Secret Santa
by Snavej
Summary: John falls ill and so Mai sets out to find a replacement Father Christmas for the children at the orphange... [Written for the GHHQ Pen Pal Secret Santa organised by the wonderful BeeGene!]


"Right, we are gathered here today—"

"Is someone getting married?" Yasuhara interrupted Mai with a shit-eating grin on his face. "I would have put my best suit on if they were…"

She silenced him with a glare.

"Because John is ill."

She was greeted with the sight of several frowns.

"What? Like seriously ill?" Monk asked. "Like in hospital?"

"What? No! No, he's just got a flu-bug. He's bed bound and feeling really awful."

"So what is the point in this little meeting?" Oliver muttered.

Lin nodded his agreement of this question.

"Because tomorrow, John promised to go and dress up as Father Christmas to see the children at the church. And he needs someone to go in his place," Mai said.

The men reacted almost exactly as she expected them to.

Lin hid behind his hair and returned to typing. Oliver rolled his eyes. Yasuhara grinned and Monk was already imagining himself in the suit.

"But he asked me to check that one of you would be suitable for such a role," Mai went on. "Because I can't just let any of you do it."

She looked particularly at Yasuhara while saying this, he had the nerve to look offended.

"Who says any of us even wants to do this?" Oliver asked.

Again, Lin nodded his agreement.

"Because John is a sweetie. He has done so much for all of us and never asks for anything in return unless it's to help someone else!" Mai retorted. "He needs us now to make these children happy! So we're going to help!"

She glared at Oliver and Lin, neither of whom looked ashamed. Perhaps resigned would be more appropriate.

"So, in light of this, I have Father Christmas suits here and we are going to practice!"

Before any of them could argue, Mai threw carrier bags at each of the men. Everyone caught theirs apart from Lin, who was too busy shielding his laptop from flying objects. With several sighs and groans, they all retreated to various officers or toilets to put on their costumes.

Five minutes later and Mai had four Father Christmases standing in front of her.

"Right well—"

"Who is going to act the part of the child?" Monk asked. "I presumed we'd be auditioning with a child?"

"Well, uh…" Mai faltered for a moment. "I will! I will pretend to be a kid."

"Pretend?" Oliver repeated with careful inflection.

Mai glowered at him, but his smirk remained. Before she could start speaking again, the office door opened and Masako walked in.

"Oh wow, you all look…" She hid her giggle behind her sleeve and quickly passed Mai another bag. "Here's the elf outfits."

"Elf outfits?" Yasuhara asked.

"Yes, Masako and I are going to be Father Christmas's elves. We planned to help John anyway," Mai explained. "So—"

"You have to dress up too," Yasuhara insisted.

"Yeah, Jou-chan."

Mai sighed.

"Fine! But then we'll start!"

Mai grabbed Masako's arm and whisked her off the the toilets. Yasuhara made eye contact with Monk, who sighed.

"What?"

"Now we have to wear these things for longer," Monk muttered.

"So? I bet the girls will look super cute as elves!"

"Is that why you're complying with this?" Monk asked. "So you can see Jou-chan and Hara-san in cute outfits?"

"Well it's certainly helping my enthusiasm…"

"If you are going to treat my staff—"

"Oh so you're only worried about Mai-chan, Big Boss?" Yasuhara teased. "Don't worry, she only has eyes for you."

"Yasuhara—"

"Yasuhara, I do hope you're behaving," Mai said as she and Masako rejoined the room.

"Are you going to put me on the naughty list if I'm not?"

Oliver, Monk and Lin all coughed pointedly, which made Mai and Masako both laugh.

"You look lovely, girls," Monk said. "You look just like real elves."

"Thank you," Masako said.

"Right, shall we get down to business. Who wants to go first?"

"I do!"

Yasuhara stood up with his hand in the air. Mai forced a smile to her face and gestured to a lone chair.

"Okay, take your position."

The entire SPR gang watched as Yasuhara took his seat, legs spread wide, and twiddled some of his fake beard.

"Ho ho ho."

"He doesn't sound old enough," Masako commented. "Can you do a lower, more… Jolly voice?"

"Ho ho ho?" Yasuhara tried again.

"We'll work on it," Mai said. "Okay. Now pretend I'm a kid."

She walked over and sat on his knee, then looked expectantly up at his face.

"Hello Santa."

"Hello, uh, little girl?"

"Hello," Mai repeated, still smiling innocently.

"Have you been a… A naughty girl?"

Yasuhara managed to not laugh for a whole three seconds.

"Okay that's it," Mai said, standing up. "You're not being Father Christmas."

"What? No! Let me try again!"

"No."

Yasuhara pulled his fake beard off and scowled.

"Can I be an elf?"

"Right, who wants to try next?" Mai asked, ignoring Yasuhara.

"I will show the boy how it's done," Monk said.

Monk stood up, straightened his suit and reached down behind the sofa.

"What are you…"

"I'm glad I brought this with me, to be honest, because nothing says Christmas like Christmas _songs_ ," Monk said as he unzipped his bass guitar.

"Um, Monk—" Mai began, but was abruptly cut off by Monk strumming his bass.

He then began a rock-punk version of what Mai thought might have been Deck the Halls. The others looked on in horror. As talented as Monk may have been on the bass guitar, his voice was…

Mai's mouth slowly dropped open in horror.

He finished on a particularly high 'la' and waited for applause.

"Thank you Monk for your application but we regret to inform you that you have not succeeded on this occasion," Masako said robotically.

Mai seized on her words and nodded with a conciliatory smile.

"Lin, how about you try next?"

"Wait up," Monk protested, "I didn't even get to sit in the chair and—"

"Lin, come on we don't have all day," Mai said.

Lin scowled, but stood up and walked over to the chair. He sat and waited. Mai studied him for a minute.

"I think we're going to have to tuck your hair behind your ear," she mumbled.

Lin had his fringe tucked into the elastic of his fake beard so that it still covered his eye.

"Yeah, Father Christmas doesn't have his hair like that," Monk muttered, still disgruntled for his dismissal.

Mai stepped forward and went about fixing Lin's hair as he sat rigidly waiting for her to finish.

"There," Mai said, stepping back, "That's much better!"

"Mai-chan," Masako whispered, "You don't think the kids would be scared of his eyes, do you?"

Mai looked from Masako to Lin. His heterochromia was striking, the blue-green of his usual covered eye making a stark contrast with his usually visible dark eye. Mai thought it looked cool but…

"But Father Christmas has blue eyes," Monk pointed out. "That's why John looked good in the suit."

"Well on that basis, neither you nor Yasuhara ever stood a chance," Masako pointed out.

"That only leaves…"

They all looked around to Oliver, who was sat with his arms crossed and a grimace spreading further across his face.

"Naru."

* * *

"Hey Masako-chan?"

"Yes, Mai-chan?"

"Can you pinch me?"

Masako laughed a little, but reached over and pinched the back of Mai's hand.

"Oww," Mai complained. "Okay, so this is real life."

"Yes," Masako agreed, still giggling.

"But how did that happen?"

Somehow, Oliver had managed to remain in character as Father Christmas without making a single child cry or upsetting anyone.

"The magic of Christmas?" Masako suggested. "Um, my parents are calling me. That means they must be outside, are you okay to finish tidying up here?"

"What?" Mai looked around. "Oh, right, yeah of course! Thank you so much for helping today!"

"No problem. I'll see you soon!" Masako said, smiling and waving as she hurried to the door.

Mai continued clearing up the Christmas themed paraphernalia when Oliver strode back into the room. He had insisted on changing as soon as the children had been removed from the room.

"Hey, thank you so much for helping today, Naru!" Mai said.

Oliver picked up one of the boxes and assisted with the clearing effort. Once they were done, Mai said goodbye to the staff at the orphanage and then ran after Oliver.

"Wait up!"

Oliver slowed his walk a fraction, allowing Mai to join him.

"Thank you again for helping. I did not expect you to be so willing."

"You were correct in your statement saying that Brown-san has helped us all, this was an inconvenient but apt way to pay him back for that assistance."

"The others were making bets on how many children you would make cry," Mai blurted.

"And what did you bet?"

"I wasn't allowed as Monk pointed out I could intervene and stop anything bad happening. But I didn't need to." Mai sighed. "I guess the others expected you to tell all the kids that Father Christmas wasn't real and stuff…"

"Why would I do that?" Oliver asked with a slight frown.

"Because…" Mai shrugged.

"Brown-san would not have wanted that. Besides, those children are too young to be exposed to the harshness of the world."

Mai smiled at his words. They were nearing the train station.

"Is Lin not picking you up?" Mai asked.

"No, he is otherwise engaged today. Christmas shopping I believe. So I am getting the train."

They entered the train station, Mai located her pass and then looked up at Oliver.

"Well, see you on Monday then," she said.

"You mean tomorrow."

"Yeah, that. See you tomorrow," Mai mumbled with a blush spreading across her cheeks.

Oliver let the smallest of smiles grace his lips.

"Goodbye, Mai."

* * *

 **Author's note: So I had to write a secret santa and so I thought I'd share it with you all...**


End file.
